Transcending

Me: Hello God.
God: Hello...
Me: I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I'd rather not.
Me: Why?
God: Because you're not a puzzle.
Me: What about all the pieces of my life that fall to the ground?
God: Leave them there for a while. They fell for a reason. Let them be there for a while and then decide if you need to take any of those pieces back.
Me: You don't understand! I'm breaking!
God: No, you don't understand. You're transcending, evolving.
What you feel are growing pains. You're getting rid of the things and people in your life that are holding you back.
The pieces are not falling down. The pieces are being put in place.
Relax.
Take a deep breath and let those things you no longer need fall down.
Stop clinging to pieces that are no longer for you.
Let them fall.
Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that,
what will I have left?
God: Only the best pieces of yourself.
Me: I'm afraid to change.
God: I keep telling you:
YOU'RE NOT CHANGING! YOU'RE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming, Who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be!
A person of light, love, charity, hope, courage, joy, mercy, grace and compassion.
I made you for so much more than those shallow pieces you decided to adorn yourself with and that you cling to with so much greed and fear.
Let those things fall off you.
I love you!
Don't change!
Become!
Don't change!
Become!
Become who I want you to be, who I created. I'm gonna keep telling you this until you remember.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yes. Let it be like this.
Me: So... I'm not broken?
God: No, but you're breaking the darkness, like dawn.
It's a new day.
Become!!
Become who you really are.

~John Roedel

art: Henn Kim

Can anyone relate to this? I was here so many times. So broken. Feeling shattered and helpless. It wasn’t until I started self care and loving myself did I start to feel better day by day. Start with the little things like putting on lipstick, taking a selfie of you smiling, reading positive quotes, listening to a self help podcast or audible book, taking a bubble bath, connecting with nature, hiking, writing in your journal (if you don’t have one, please go out and buy one.), write cute I am affirmations on post it notes and put them on your bathroom mirror. Choose YOU! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

xoxoxoox

Stay Kind

Drunk Texts

LMAO. #SnoozeYouLose #MissedYourChance #ImSoberAndSmarterNow

Oh man. I find this quote hilarious actually. This used to be me. I never thought I would ever admit this to the world publicly because it’s something I was ashamed of. But we all know where shame leads.. a world of inner hurt, rebellion and toxicity.

And since I’m starting a community on freeing yourself from what holds you back. I need to start with MY TRUTH. MY STORY.

I was the one that numbed my pain with alcohol and then covered that up with meaningless sex. Odd to say that out loud! Because I never owned that truth until right now, this very second. Of course I told the best stories to my friends, who all lived vicariously through me, but what they didn’t know was that even though I could have anyone at the snap of my fingers, I was extremely lonely inside.

I always filled the void I felt in my heart, with men. Not even the right men. Sometimes being extremely reckless. But as long as I was happy (or so I thought), it was ok. Abandonment issues and codependency are no joke.

And then I wondered why I couldn’t find that special someone who wanted to marry me. How could anyone possibly love me if I didn’t love myself first?!?!

It was a very lonely life. Even though I always had someone there.

I never realized the only thing to fill that void within was through my own self love and worthiness.

Once I started my journey of self love... my need for a man stopped. #SorryItsMeNotYou . So did all my crazy and wild stories. Lol. Not gonna lie I did have fun and could write a book on those adventures.... but at what cost?

Today I’m proud to say that the only person I need is me, myself and I.

And yes of course my friends and family.

I CHOOSE to be with a man because I WANT to, not because I NEED to. So if you’re getting my attention.... please know that shit is special. Genuine. And a decision I’ve carefully made to have you in my life. And I’m also OK being alone. I’ve learned to love my own company.

It feels so amazing to say I’m freed of that toxic personality. The one with that low self esteem that needed others to validate her self worth. I’m not perfect and I take things day by day. There are still times I doubt myself. But I’m aware of it now.

My recovery process didn’t happen overnight. It took YEARS! And daily progress that I still need to keep up with in order to not fall back into that state of mind.

Ladies.... we need each other. If I had someone encourage and guide me, I could have gotten here faster. I didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t even know what that meant. I THOUGHT I did. But clearly I didn’t. I hid behind addictions that although were extremely fun were not the healthiest.

I know it’s hard to be honest and vulnerable when it comes to telling your truth. I’m cringing re-reading this. I want to press delete. But I will keep it up. Because if I can help just ONE woman learn how to love herself completely and own her story proudly.... then it was all worth it. Free yourself from your own inner demons.

This is no longer my burden to carry. I release it.

Online Women Community coming soon!!!!

#selflove #selfawareness #bekindtoyourself #releasetoxicthoughtsandactions #healthymind #tellyourstorytohelpothers #letsevolve #letthatshitgo #freeyourself